Rodney (Buddy) Allen Chavera

Born in Texas Pearsall on February 27, 1975 that day it was just you and i and a nurse and i knew then that you were the love of my life child i always thought i had to protect you boy did i screw that one up we have had our share of fights and disagreements but i can tell you one thing the one thing we agreed on was dawn.but thats neither here nor there, you were so loved by all and i miss you dearlyi will probly write a few times on here .but i do want to write this to you'

I thought about you with love today, but that is nothing new.I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.I think of you in silence,I often speak your name.Now all i have are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is my keepsake with which I'll never part.God has you in his keeping I have you in my heart. So very missed and loved.  Mom

Dawn and Buddy:

June 1991

Married October 1998-Jan 2002

Your mom asked me to write in about some of our time together…

How do I put into words all the memories we shared…how do I put into words our life together?  I will try, but words will never be able to describe or tell our true story.  We had a bond that could never be replaced by any other.

We met when you were 16, I was 17.  It was so cute how Becky hooked us up (she was such a match maker LOL).  I kept denying that I was interested, you were too young…I’d never date someone younger than me!  But she tricked us into spending some time alone together and that was it.  

You were only here visiting family when we met, I remember when Peggy and Tom came to take you back to Illinois.  And I remember when you came back to live within weeks and asked to see me. I think back to all the nights we walked to each others house in the middle of the night.  

We broke up every other week like all teenagers do…but making up was always so much fun! It just seemed that no matter what we couldn’t stay away from each other. I remember when you moved back to Illinois when we were 19.  I thought that was it, it was over for sure.  But we kept in touch and within a month or two you were flying back down to see me…and Oh the look on your face when you got off that plane…you were ghost white!  You asked me to move back up there with you when I graduated from high school in a few months…and I did.  What a trip that was!  Illinois was not for me…all that corn and cold weather…no way.  After a few months and a few fights I moved home to Virginia…again, I thought that was truly the end…but you moved back within 2 months too!

We got our own apartment and within a year bought our first home together (you were so scared, you didn’t think we could afford it)you didn’t understand why we needed to “buy” a house…but then remember our 1^st Christmas in our home, when you laid in my lap and just cried…because you just couldn’t believe how far we had come and we were having Christmas in Our Own Home.  We conceived and then lost our first and only child together…that was so hard on me…I drove  you crazy with my obsession to have a child after that.

I can still see the glimmer in your eyes the night you proposed to me…you were so excited and nervous…not to mention the look in your eyes the day we got married…and our first dance at the wedding, you cried when you told me how you truly loved me…I look back at that video from time to time and can see the love and happiness in both of our faces (not to mention the hangovers we had LOL)

We were so young, so wild…so stubborn!  The hardest thing I ever did was asking you to leave. It broke my heart and took me years to recover.  I, like you, didn’t start to get a handle on my life again until I had my daughter.  Funny how even though we were apart we still shared the birth of our children together…Kimmie and Lexie.  We would talk for hours on end about our new additions & how we should have shared this together. How you helped talk me through all of Kimmie’s medical issues. Only you could calm me and help me see the good. You were always there for me…you were always the only person who truly knew me, loved me for who I was (the good, the bad and the sometimes crazy)

 I often wonder if we hadn’t been so stubborn, if I would have swallowed my pride, if I hadn’t given up on you…would you still be with us? Would we still be able to see your smile and hear your laughter today? Have another drink, take off on another adventure together? All the times you tried to come home. All the hurt on both our parts.  I think back to that day (a year after we had separated) we went to see my grandmother in the hospital, it would have been my grandparents 57^th anniversary and she was grieving the loss of Papa…when you teared up, grabbed my hand and told me how you wanted us to grow old together like that…how you wanted us to share a lifetime of love and family.  Or the time in 2001 when you offered to move back to Virginia to help me get an apartment Why did I not give in? I wanted to but I was scared & my pride was too strong.  

How could I ever tell all the stories I have in my head and heart?  How could anyone ever express to someone who didn’t know you what kind of person you were?  I don’t think there was ever a person who didn’t like you…everyone loved you…especially women – but hey – can’t blame them there!

You were just that kind of person…the life of the party…the guy who made everyone laugh…people were just naturally drawn to you.  You were so full of life!  Your love and dedication to family.

There is so much more but I have to stop right now and come back to write more later…getting too emotional

DEAR BUDDY

I MISS YOU SO MUCH I MISS YOU BEATING ME UP AND TEASING ME.I WISH YOU WOULD COME BACK AND TELL ME JOKES.I WILL NEVER PUT YOU OUT OF MY HEART.WHEN I WENT TO THE FUNERAL HOME AND SAW YOUR BODY I WENT UP TO THE CASKET AND LOOKED AT YOU AND I WAS ABOUT TO CRY.BUILD US SOME NICE HOUSES IN HEAVEN.I WISH YOU WOULD COME BACK ALIVE. I TAKE CARE OF MY MOM SHE MISSES YOU REAL BAD.I LOVE YOU PLAYING NICKELODEON WITH ME.LOVE AUSTIN

MY LIFE WITH YOU DADDY

I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU .YOU WERE THE BEST DADDY EVER.YOU BOUGHT ME MY BABY ANNABELLE AND I LOVED HER SO MUCH .KEEP ME IN YOUR HEART AND I WILL KEEP YOU IN MINE.GRANDMA MADE ME AND BUBBY A SNOW GLOBE WITH YOUR AND MOMS PICTURE IN IT. I BROUGHT YOU FLOWERS AND A BALLON TO THE GRAVE YARD. TAKE CARE OF ME AND CHRIS . MAMAW LETS ME WATCH MOVIES OF YOU AND ME AND CHRIS. I MISS YOU. LOVE SHUGA BUGGA

Orange, your favorite color when it came to t-shirts so I am writing in this color. The song One More Day,couldn't even begin to express what I would give for just one more day with you, my God I have so many thoughts and memories running through my head right now.Peggy and Tina are in Texas right now and I now how you would feel about that,but maybe if you were given the opportunity to be there you would be there too.I will never know that ,and is this somehow my fault I should have looked for him for you,. you sure needed someone who would love you like a son ,even though Merl tried it was hard for you both.he could have done better. I am so sorry for that. Peggy tells me that your uncle Rueban jokes alot and is funny it must some how run in the family.Buddy I keep seeing you when you were little and we lived in Texas and you were butting heads with your grandfather Benito because tiy threw some cards on the floor and he told you to pick them up, and you said no he was trying to make you do it and you were so stubborn , he finally said that he was going to change you because you were just like your dad and he wasn't going to let you end up like him stubborn. but it went with you all your life because you were that way all your life.Tina said Gloria reminds her of Donna , and when I think of it she is just like Donna. I can't remember what your godparents names are. its funny how time can erase so much from your mind . I think that is why I feel the need to go this sight so many times in one day I never want to lose the image in my mind.Buddy please come to me and comfort mr I need you so muchI just can't understand why God had to take you from us. we are all so lost without you.I just read Dawns entry here again and I cried so much because I know how much you two truely loved each other. and I remember your wedding day like it was yesterday.I felt like you had finally reach the place you needed to be when you married her. and it fell apart so quickly.,I can never understand why two people who were meant to be with each other for a lifetime , never end up that way.I love you son and I will be back soon