Rodney (Buddy) Allen Chavera

I like to think that grandma is finally at peace with you. Her chores were finished here on earth. I know in the end she was so tired and scared. I pray that you wrapped your arms around her when she got there. I gave her so much trouble throughout my life, and she never gave up on me. She is the author of all that I am, she was the best grandma anyone could ask for and I miss her dearly. I hope you and her can rest knowing that I am okay, I have my own family now, and I'm beyond happy. I started my life a little early but I wouldn't change it for the world now. i sat here and read through all of the memories. everybody was so worried about me, and for a minute there they had a right to be. But I made it through my dark patch. I came out on the other side. I still have room to grow but I'm trying my hardest. Please take care of grandma, I love her deeply and I miss her everyday of my life. Words cannot express what she means to me. I truly didn't show it while she was here and that haunts me everyday. I have few regrets in this life, and not spending more time with her is one of them. 

I like to think that grandma is finally at peace with you. Her chores were finished here on earth. I know in the end she was so tired and scared. I pray that you wrapped your arms around her when she got there. I gave her so much trouble throughout my life, and she never gave up on me. She is the author of all that I am, she was the best grandma anyone could ask for and I miss her dearly. I hope you and her can rest knowing that I am okay, I have my own family now, and I'm beyond happy. I started my life a little early but I wouldn't change it for the world now. i sat here and read through all of the memories. everybody was so worried about me, and for a minute there they had a right to be. But I made it through my dark patch. I came out on the other side. I still have room to grow but I'm trying my hardest. Please take care of grandma, I love her deeply and I miss her everyday of my life. Words cannot express what she means to me. I truly didn't show it while she was here and that haunts me everyday. I have few regrets in this life, and not spending more time with her is one of them. 

Buddy,
It's been twelve very long years, so many things have happened. Alexis had a baby at 15, a little girl, her name is Aubry Alice Chavera. She is still in the hospital with a few problems, but she is beautiful,so a grandpa you are now, let's see you would be 42, I hope the Lord watches over her and the baby, Lord knows they will need it. I'm not sure what's going on with Chris, he is so troubled, I hope the Lord will guide him in the right path.Helen has NOW lost Tony, her heart breaks like mine. I hope that where ever we go to wait for the LORD that you are all together, it gives my heart a little peace to think you are not alone. I will come here more often. I love and miss you very much.Mom

10 years today I was awake this morning at 6:30 I can't believe it's been 10 years I miss your face your smile your jokes and I even miss arguing with you my heart never gets any lighter and the pain never goes away Oh what I would give to have you back here again oh what I would get to have you back here again just turn back the pages of time and have you here with all of us again and have you here with all of us again. I love you buddy rest in peace until we meet again ,
Love your mama 

YOUR   BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER

I have come to not be able to get on here  as much its so hard.I miss you with all my heart and soul.I cry like it was just yesterday,and its 9 yrs tomm. I will never understand it. The kids really needed you in their life  for some kind of love and stability, they are so lost and I am still lost too and I can barely think of a way to help them. I feel so helpless. WE your FAMILY can not seem to get over you leaving us, Bubby is so lost. as well as Michelle and Tina and Peggy. and Merl and I miss you so much. he has kept the graveyard up because you are out there. I hope that someday we will all meet  again. I grow so weary of this life but I know I can't leave it yet. the kids need me.I can't bear to thinkof you out in that cold dark spot. and I pray that you are with OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR.I could have been a better mother and maybe you would have not choosen the path you walked. But I Loved You with all my heart, and from the moment you were born and placed in my arms I knew I would lose you and that I needed to protect you but I failed that job.We  had our fights   and arguements and I threw you out a few times but I never stopped loving you, and you made me PROUD to call you my son.. I wasted so much time we could have shared with you in the last few years of your life fighting over you being with Samantha I should just kept it to myself and let you live your life but I knew you were unhappy you told me so but you just didn't have a choice but to stay. I am so sorry about all our disagreements. I just hope that Jesus will watch out for your kids Chris and Lexi.they really need it right now more than ever.Michelle misses you so much we all do I wish you could have met Mason and Toby you would have loved them so much and you would have had a blast with all these kid they are wonderful. and you are a Great Uncle to Liam and Braydon. please look over Christa she is down the wrong road right now . I love you so much and as that  song says LOOK FOR ME. I WILL BE THERE TOO >

JERRIE DALE SO VERY WELL SAID AND I THINK MOST OF US AS MOTHERS FEEL THIS WAY, AND IF WHAT YOU HAVE WROTE OFFENDS ANYONE THEY DON'T NEED TO BE ON THIS SIGHT ANYWAY, THANK YOU JERRIE FOR BEING THER FOR ME IN ONE OF THE MOST HARDEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. WE DON'T OFTEN TELL EACH OTHER HOW MUCH WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER SO I AM TAKING THIS TIME TO TELL YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT I LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE YOU TOO BUDDY........,.

I WAS GOING DOWN THE ROAD THE OTHER DAY AND A SONG CAME ON THE RADIO KENNY HAS IT SET TO THIS ONE STATION HE LIKES I REMEMBER HEARING THIS SONG YEARS AGO I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT BUT ITS ABOUT (ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG) AND HOW TRUE THIS SAYING IS JERMEY DIED YOUNG SO DID YOU AS MOTHER'S WE TRY TO PROTECT OUR KIDS FROM THE TIME THEY ARE BORN TIL WHEN EVER......... AS MOTHER'S WE SEE THE MISTAKES YOU ALL MAKE WE CAN PREACH, CUSS ,FIGHT WITH YOU ,CRY,AND UNTIL YOU SEE IT OUR HANDS ARE TIED IT ALWAYS COME'S BACK TO OUR LOVE FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE AND BEYOND... WE DON'T TELL YOU ALL THESE THINGS TO HURT YOU BUT TO MAKE YOU ALL SEE YOUR MISTAKES AND THAT THINGS CAN HAPPEN EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY WON'T...AND A LOT OF TIMES IT DOES HAPPEN TO OUR BABY'S  THERE IS NO GREATER LOOSE THEN A CHILD TO A MOTHER........... IT IS SOMETHING THEY TAKE TO THEIR OWN GRAVES WITH THEM.......AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT EVERY WAKIN MOMENT OF THEIR LIVES FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.......IT AFFECTS EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE   FAMILY, BROTHERS ,SISTER,MOTHERS ,FATHER'S GRANDMA'S,GRANDPA'S,COUSIN'S AUNTS AND UNCLES AND FRIENDS JUST WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE I HOPE IT DON'T OFFEND ANYONE AND I'M SORRY IF IT DOES.....SO PEOPLE WAKE UP MOTHERS AND DAD'S WATCH WHAT YOUR KIDS DO TELL THEM BE THERE WHEN THEY FALL PICK THEM UP DUST THEM OFF IF YOU CAN BUT MOST OF ALL LOVE AND CHERISH THEM ALWAYS..........

Buddy,                                8-8-12
I can't believe it's been 7 year's since you have left us and went to heaven.. It's never gonna be easy here on earth without you here with us and to guide and for us to get advice from you. We all relive the memory over and over again everyday that we are here without you. We all love and miss you so much. Please watch over all of us and try to guide us in the right direction from up there in heaven.. Love you and Miss you

Wow its hard to beleive that its almost the end of July and I haven't been on here since ur birthday, I took Lexi to Tenn. with me and she loved it. I really don't know what she went home and told her mom but its the usual fight , and I am so sick of it.I can't even believe the fight I have with her when I have to take her home she said she hates it there so much,she will never change its more important that she continue on this path of drugs than to clean up and be with her kids, Chris lives with Martha, and Alexis said she wants to live anywhere but with Samantha, and thats sad, but what can I do?I just pray that God and u are watching over them both all I can do is be here when they need me. I just know I love them both and they need you and their mom but they have neither one. If I could only turn back the hands of time , maybe you would still be here. I will never let them forget you, I am making them both memorie albums to keep when they older or when I am no longer here to talk about you, I LOVE YOU

Buddy its hard everyday to not have you  here  I just can't finish this right now

Buddy,                      February 27, 2012
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER...... Wow how time goes by too quick.... Today is going to be a very very very sad day.... Gonna go to the graveyard and put flowers on ur grave..... I love and miss you so much.....

I sit and read back on things we have all written and how we feel, and it is so sad I cry everytime because I feel all the hurt, I know Samantha misses you and wishes you were still here and I wonder how things would be if you were still here. Would you two have gotten your lives straightened out by now, I guess I will never know, I just know that I know she needs help, and all her family does is just look the other way, don't they care ,the kids need her to get it together, I am not trying to start a fight just trying to understand it, you would think that after knowing what it did to you,someone would step up to the plate and say hey this is enough you are killing yourself and look what it is doing to the kids, God please help all of is that are left behind, we need your guidence , I need to release my hate and help myself to heal, and Michelle needs to know that you loved her no matter what samantha told her, you were a good brother to them all and Bubby has alot of pent up hurt and anger, he is so sick of all the shit here , I wish you were here to help get all these kids on the right track, and to be there for your kids they miss you so much. Lexi is so afraid that she will forget you, I told her I will never let that happen as long as there is a breathe in me. And Chris has so much hurt too, oh my your death has affected so many lives, but I know we need to heal and we need to do it soon. Gary is gone now and Merl is going to miss him so much. I am so afraid he is next. I have been looking at pictures  and crying and remembering the day each and everyone of them were taken and I smile and have such a warm feeling but crying all the while , does that make sense to you, I love you Buddy and will always have you in my heart and in my mind, Look over the kids.

Buddy,                      February 14, 2012
Wow it's so weird to write 2012.... It still seem's like yesterday that god took you to be with him. It suck's to be here without you. Well you probably know Uncle Gary died and we had to bury him up at the graveyard and how I hate to go there, it just bring's back so many memories of when we had to take you up there and bury you... Sad, sad day's never gonna get better. Just so unfair that you had to go... So sick of everything it semm's like life is so unfair to people that really actually try... I give up done trying and just gonna throw my hand's in the air.. I love and miss you so much, I wish you were here with us...

Buddy,
What I would do to have you back here... People and the way they are I just can't believe it... The people you love the most are the one's that hurt you more and I don't know if they realize it but I guess that life and you just go on..... But how, how can you put behind you the thing's people say and do... Maybe it's just me and I let all this shit get to me too much but I feel like everything is going to shit and don't know why... I go to see the doctor next month maybe they can help me....I need you here I have so much to say to you and ask you so many questions and I need your advice so bad...... I love and miss you so much.....

Buddy I find myself looking at all the pics I have on here and it makes tears come to my eyes , you are so missed and so needed by us all, espically the kids, I know if you had it to do all over and knew the outcome you would have done it so different for the kids sake.So many things happenening and if you were here you would help e make light of it all, I haven't seen alexis for some time now but I am going home and I will get her nd Chris if they want to ccome, I kow I iss them all real bad. I will be out to see you soon bfore the snow fies again .Know that I love you and miss you so very much and it was a blessing to have you as my son even if you were only here for a short time, Look out for the kids they need you as always

Buddy,                            September 13, 2011
Hello big brother, so many thing's I want to talk to you about and your not here. My life is so screwed up right now I don't know what way to turn. I am just to the point that I hate my life. Don't know what to do about anything right now. Just please if your up there listening to me help me to figure out a direction. I love and miss you so bad.....

Six years ago today I left Chris 's birthday party for home, we had such a good day , you and Bubby,and chris played with the rocket launcher he got for his birthday, it was a good day except it ended so abruptly because Samantha and Sam couldn't leave you alone, she wanted her drugs and sam wanted to you to come to the bar and celebrate his birthday ,,because I guess that was more important to them. edna included , the only one to come to his party was us and theresa and chi.you were really mad because samantha woulldn't leave you alone, so then I got tired of it and just got in the van and left,I saw you for the last time standing on ednas porch waving and shrugging your shoulders about me leaving, I wish I had of stayed, if I could just touch and hold your face oe more time and kiss your cheeck and tell you goodbye ,oh what i would give to be able to do it over again.but I guees we can't change what has happened , you just left behind 2 kids that need you so much. and a mother to them that don't even care what goes on and if she did she just stays so stoned it don't matter,
i think about when you died how she went and got her nails done and her hair done before she showed up at ur funeral for the few hours she spent there. Peggy wanted to rip her eyes out. she should have been trying to console her children instead of worring about her freshly done nails., there is so much that i could go on about those days after your death.but its all water under the bridge, I wish I could forget about it but I can't I almost told her she should get married tommorrow august 8 then they would really have a reason to celebrate.I guess I am still real angry. I ask God everyday to help me let go of my hurt and anger, maybe he will suceed soon. I love you Buddy and I miss you so much. I will see you tommorrow.

Buddy, 5 years have come and gone and I still feel like it was yesterday,I don't think the pain ever gets any easier, there is so much going on the kids life Chris is headed down the wrong road and I'm not even sure if anyone can turn him around right now, and Alexis is doing some crazy things at her house and mine too, I cant seem to reach her she hates everyone, she says if samantha marrys Roger then she isn't going to live  there she says she hates him that he is mean to her, and they say he isn't so who do I believe? I think I am going to have it looked into. she still does the same old shit drugs, sleep and lies , alexis and Chris have both told me she sleeps al day, and roger watches them . They say they don't feed them and everytime I have picked them up they have been hugary, chris says he hates it there, he misses you so much I wish they had better role models instead of who they have. I wasn't a perfect mom but at least I put forth some effort, I feel a big battle coming on if anything ever happens to samantha, but we are ready, and as God is my wittness they will not raise alexis, I wish samantha would just stop the drug use and take care of the kids , she always throws chris up to me but she is his mother and she never sees him unless he is in trouble or she is up at her moms . she should be a mom to them both lexi says she hates her but I know she really don't, after all she is her mother.well ust look after the kids and show the road you would take even tho I already know the answer. I LOVE YOU SON AND WORDS WILL NEVER EXPRESS IT OR THE HURT AND LOSS I FEEL AND I KNOW THE KIDS DO TOO. 

Rodney (Buddy) Chavera

His Journey's Just Begun

 

Don't think of him as gone away - His journey's just begun, life holds so many facets - this earth is only one.

 

Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days and years.

 

Think of how he must be wishing that we could know today,

how nothing but our sadness can really pass away.

 

And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched... for nothing loved is ever lost -

and he was loved so much.

Buddy
iI think of you so much I think I could almost write a book about all the things I think about, Imiss you so damn much it hurts. Chris has been here all week , he says he hates being at Samanthas house , I think he is growing up, he misses you so much , i told him to change his shoes after school the other day ,then I asked him what do you think your dad would say if you had school shoes on playing, and he said he knew. we all miss you so much.Alexix has been coming and going she will be glad when school is out so she can stay more.

Buddy,                                        April 6, 2011
Wow it's hard to believe that it is 2011. Well in a few day's it will be my 30th birthday, how I hate that your not here to celebrate it with me. We all have come so far since you died but our heart's still hurt the same as the day you died. Jeff is in the hospital please look after him. I miss you so much. The warmer weather is coming soon ( I hope) and it make's me so sad cause I know that was your favorite time of year. I haven't been up to the grave yard in awhile but I just can't seem to bring myself to go there, it is so hard. I can start down 310 and instanly get sick to my stomach thinking about the day we had to take you up there and burry you. That was the hardest and most saddest day of my life... I still to this day ask god why... Why you, why this way, why us, I know I or no one for that matter has the right to ask god a question like that but I think it's only human. I think it's kinda funny Samantha went to all the trouble to make you a site and she never goes on it... She couldn't even remember the day you died. She said it was the 5th until I told her then she changed it to the 8th.. Make's me so mad... How could someone that says they loved you so much forget the day you died. You can bet one thing I will never forget you. Anyone that had the pleasure of meeting you was a very blessed person for you to be in there life. You were such a wonderful person and alway's had so much to offer everyone with no question's asked. I am going to be having surgery and I want you there with me holding my hand and making sure I am ok. I love you brother and miss you so much...