Rodney (Buddy) Allen Chavera

Buddy,                                November 7, 2009

Well a new month has started and this year has seem to fly by. I don't know where it has gone. My baby addison is growing up so fast she started school and Alex, Austin, and Abby are growing up so fast too. Before I know it they will be turning 18 teen and moving on. I miss you so much, it still seem's like yesterday that you passed away from this earth. I am so sad that gramp passed away but I know he is happier up there with all you guy's. I have so much going on right now and so confused and I wish you were here so I could talk to you about it. I just love my kid's and I know that for sure. Well love and miss you.....

Miss Me-But Let Me Go

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me

I want no rites in a gloom-filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little-but not too long

And not with your head bowed low

Remember the love that we once shared

Miss me-but let me go

For this is a journey that we all must take

And each must go alone

It's all a part of the master's plan

A step on the road to home

When you are lonely and sick at heart

Go to the friends we know

And bury your sarrows in doing good deeds

Miss me-but let me go

Buddy,

Hello big brother just thought I would drop in and write you alittle something. So how are thing's gong up there? I bet you and gramp are having a drink jim beam and coke lol.... I just don't know about anything anymore. Its going to be so hard without gramp here. I miss him so much its weird going over to his house and he's not there. I miss all u guys so much......

Buddy,                  September 1, 2009

You know I just don't understand why god keep's taking from us. Maybe I am not supposed to understand but it still don't make it any easier to let someone go even though u know they are going to be in a better place. I just don't know what we r going to do without gramp's here. It's going to be so hard. it just bring's back memories of losing u and it never get easier. I didn't go over the day gramp's died and now i wish i would have. Just be with mom through these hard time's and help her get through everything. Love and miss you......... xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Buddy,                August 30, 2009

Hello big brother I am sure you know gramp's came to be with everyone up there. Help ease everyones pain of him going to be in a better place... At least he is not suffering anymore and he will never feel anything ever again. It's hard time like this that I wish you were still here to hold us all up and keep it all together. Just let mom know your there and hold her hand and be close to her to help her get through all this in one piece. Love you and miss you big brother.....oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxooxoxo

Buddy,

Just thought I would come in here and write alittle something to you. I think I am doing the right thing by finally trying to start a relationship with Becky and Sonya. I am trying to forgive them and I know it's the right thing to do. I hope you and grandma and everyone else is up there in heaven holding gramp's hand and making him feel at ease. I can't stand to see him like this. I know your not supposed to question god and why e does what he does but it's kinda hard not to when he just keep's taking one right after another. I just want to know why, can't he give us a break from all the heartache and let us have some peace in our live's. That's what I want is peace. Please just let him know you guy's are there. I am so scared for him. I miss you so much and wish you were still here. Mom need's some peace. I wish you were here so we could lean on your shoulder, you always had broad shoulder's. I love you and miss you so much..........xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Just remembering all days we spent as a family along the water somewhere anywhere was fine for us as long as we were together with a few beers for you guys. I could of been anywhere it would of still been nice because we always had a good time. Lex is here with me as usual she is so big and grows up more and more each day. I know that sooner than I want she and Julian will be going off on their own way they are already do independent its scary. Schools finally out for them can you believe they will be in second grade...I can't! I am so greatful for the memories that I do have of you. I will always cherish them for the rest of my life and try to share them with your little girl. Well its gonna be another hot sunny day and the kids want to go swimming somewhere so I'll say I love you and will be thinking of you as always!

  Love Ya Always Big Bro!

Buddy,

Hey big brother had a few minute's on my hand's so I thought I would sit down and write you a letter. Well the day's are warming up and the smell of fresh cut grass is in the air and it make's me know that summer is closer then ever now and make's me think of you and how you used to love summer. I know I have been asking you for alot but I need to ask you for another favor. Please be with all of us through this trying time with Gramp and be with him and hold his hand to help him through all of this and help him make the right choice's. I hate that your not here with us to lend your shoulder so we can sob on it. Sometime's I still question God, why did he take Grandma, Dougie, Jeremey, and you. It seem's like life is so unfair and you just get tired of wondering and you just want some answer's. Well love you and miss you very much.

Buddy,

I heard this song and read the word's and thought I would post it on here cause it make's you stop and think about life...My best friend gave me
The best advice
He said each day's a gift
And not a given right
Leave no stone unturned
Leave your fears behind
And try to take
The path less traveled by
That first step you take
Is the longest stride

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
If today was your last day

Against the grain
Should be a way of life
What's worth the prize
Is always worth the fight
Every second counts
'cause there's no second try,
So live like you'll
Never live it twice
Don't take the free ride
In your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day...
Would you make your mark
By mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late
To shoot for the stars,
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'cause you can't rewind
A moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
'cause the hands of time
Are never on your side

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late,
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

Buddy,

Hey big brother just stopped in to write alittle something to you. Well the weather is changing and before we know it, it will be summer your most favorite time of the year. I was just sitting here thinking about all the shit we did in the summer time when you was here. Please guide Bubby he seem's so lost still without you and it weigh's heavy on his heart and on his shoulder's. We all still miss you. It seem's that everyone that truely didn't love you went on with life but everyone else seem's to be on hold and waiting for you to come back. It all still seem's like a big dream like we are waiting for you to just show up one day and say ha ha I pulled a big one on all you guy's. Everything so far has gone well with my kidneys but time will tell when I go to the other doctor. Seem's like everything is falling apart alittle at a time. I wish you were here and I love and miss you so much.

Buddy

I know I haven't wrote tp you as often as i should be ,but we have had so much going on here with dad and everything going on, I just feel like I am about to lose my mind I dont think I could stand to lose another person in my life right now. loseing all we have lost still is weighing heavy on my mind and heart. I love you so much I can't stand it. kiss all my loved ones for me

Buddy,

Hello big brother just thought I would write you alittle something since I had a minute of quiet time. I can not believe you are 34 years old today. How time fly's, it goes so fast anymore. Well I had some good new's and that is that there was no cancer cell's in my urine but I am not out of the wood's yet still got one more test to do on Monday that will say for sure if I am in the clear. Hopefully all goes well with me and Gramp. Like Tina was saying Alex caught on fire Tuesday night and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I am so glad it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Scared the shit out of everyone. This week has been a bad week, seem's like everything has been happening this month. Well I will be up to visit you later today and bring you some flower's. I love and miss you very much and wish you were here with us now......

Buddy,

Hey big brother!! I just stopped in to write you a letter. Just been thinking of you alot here lately. I am sure you have seen what's going on down here. I just need you to be there holding my hand. I wish you were here because we could alway's count on you for everything no matter what even if it was just for advice or a shoulder to cry on or just to talk. You seemed like you alway's had the answer's to everything. I just hope they don't find anything when I go in. It make's me not want to go find out anything. I hope I am up for whatever they find. I love you and miss you so much!!!!!!!!!

Buddy,

Hello big brother finally I can come back to this site. It seemed like it took forever to get it back up and running. I can't wait till the warm weather get here I am so sick of the cold and of me and the kid's being sick. Just keep's going around and around. I just can't believe how cold it has been. I miss you and love you so much!!!!!

Buddy,

Hey big brother just thought I would stop in and write you alittle letter. It is so cold outside tonight, it's like only 6 degrees. I wrapped all the kid's present's last night I thought I would never get done. I think they will be really happy when they open them i tried to get them all everything they wanted. Tim got Austin a freaking snake, a ball python, it is so gross. I can't believe I have snake in my house. I am going to try to go to your grave and visit for a few tomorrow. I miss you so much. This is always one of many hard time's of the year for me. I still just have so many unanswered questions for you. I just hate getting together without you here but since you have left I love to see my family more often. You were always the one that brought us all together for every occassion. I was just sitting here thinking about when we were all fighting and I wouldn't come around cause Tim didn't want to but you called and talked us into coming. I looked up to you so much. You were everything to this family and I am so mad that you left us so sudden. I am glad Peggy gets to come in for Christmas, I feel like I am not as close to her as I am with Tina. Help mom and comfort he as much as you can cause she needs it. Love and Miss you alot. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo            

Buddy,

Hey big brother just thought I would sit down and write you alittle letter. It has finally snowed and it's cold as hell out side. Feel like winter now for sure. I dread the holiday's coming up in a way but I also am looking forward to them. I miss you being here with us to celebrate and eat all the good food. I feel so bah hum bug about Christmas. I don't even feel ike putting up a tree but I will do it for the kid's. I am so mad that you won't be here to watch the kid's open all there present's. I know you will be watching from up in heaven but it is not the same. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it, I want you here with us. Look out for Tina guide her and help her to see what is best. Make sure you look over everyone who need's you and the one's who don't. Well duty call's...

Love and miss you alot.

Buddy,

Hello big brother... Just thought I would sit down write you alitlle letter.... We took the kids trick or treating last night they had a good time and got lots of candy... By the time we started back they were so tired and there legs were hurting and they were ready to go to bed. Poor little mama was so tired I had to carry her back to paps. Talk about out of shape I thought I wasn't going to make it back. I had to stop a few times to catch my breath. It was cold. Anyways they had a good time that's all that matters. Abby was a spider bride and Astin was a evil wizard and Alex was a pirate and Addison was a cheerleader they all looked so cute. Well love and miss you......

Buddy,

Hello big brother.... Well the warm months are gone now and winter is fast coming. We had Addison's b-day party Saturday. We didn't have alot people come but all the important ones were here anyways. She got alot of stuff she was happy and thats what makes me happy. Halloween is right around the corner and we have to take the kids trick or treating. I just wanted to let you know I MISS YOU VERY MUCH!!!!! Lexi is growning up so fast she acts just like you. Well love and miss you very much.....

                              Michelle

Buddy

I guess its just one of those days for me,I just miss you so much and I am so tired of all the argueing with Merl, I just wish you could show me if I did the right thing by allowing Pete to go out there.I know in my heart it was, but I am so sick of the fighting over it.I didn't do it to hurt anyone and I couldn't win either way I went so I did what I thought was best.and I hope you are all right with it because I know pete needed that too. even tho he wasn't there for you he was still your dad and I think we were both in the wrong we could have tried to keep you kids in touch so he could have been a part of you lives but I was scared of him and stubborn, I made a lot of mistakes and I never know if it could have been different for you kids. I am sorry for all the wrongs I gave you kids . but you know I loved you all and I did my best for you all I just made stupid decisions.I hope I did right by Alexis also, Merl is so mad at me but I think I have reached a point in my life where I just don't care anymore the battle is over and no one won the war so any way I love you and miss you deeply. Alexis is here with me and Chris is with Bub tonight and Samantha is out again. no money for food and clothed and other needs but always money to go out , oh well it will never change I just hope you and the Lord are watching over them maybe between all of we can do the job. Your half brother Benny passed away and I know you didn't know him but he is there too. and I know the agony that Pete and his family are going through today and I wish I could help them but there is nothing I can say or do to help them right now . know I love very much I will talk to you again soon oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Buddy,

Hey big brother just thought I would sit down and write u alittle letter. It is a really nice day outside today. Mason and Danielle brithday party is today it is so unreal how fast all these kid's r growing up. It seem's like the world just keep's turning like ur making it go from up there in heaven. Just seem's so unreal still and everything seem's wrong without u here. I go to mom's house in Morgantown but I just feel so out of place there. It's like I can't get comfortable. I guess it's just not home like the house in Grafton. That's where all the good memories are of everything. That's where we would go if something wasn't going right or just to go see mom and dad and everyone else because always' had a house full no matter what. My kid's keep saying to me all the time I miss Uncle Buddy and I alway's tell them yeah me too. Abby alway's says Uncle loved the girl's more then then boy's and i Tell her yes he loved all u guy's the same but he just ruffed up the boy's all the time. No worries there Bubby is taking over that job now. I think Bubby feel's he has to try to fill ur shoe's and that we r to protective of him but he is the only brother we have left and Tina and Peggy are the only sister's I have left. Just keep watching over us from up there and give us the little push we need every now and again. Love and Miss you so very much.

                                  love your sis

                                     Michelle